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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?